Archive for January, 2012

A touching moment

January 12, 2012

Today, I heard the heart beating of my coming baby.

Although I have known it for weeks that my wife is pregnant – both the pregnancy test both at home and at family doctor’s say so, and her pregnancy response has been pretty strong – I just had a little difficulty accepting the fact there is another life in her belly. It is still flat, and I could not feel any legs kicking or else. It is like consciously I know a baby must be there, and the baby must be so tiny at this stage, yet emotionally, viscerally, I could not feel the existence of my baby.

Until I heard the heart beating sound at the OBGYN’s exam room.

The beating is pretty fast. Probably 200 beats per minute? I vaguely had the impression that I read it some time ago, but  I have not checked it out at wikipedia. This is something that the exact knowledge does not count – who cares. The beating is there, announcing the existence of a life. This is the life that my wife and I created! At that moment, my eyes became welled. So happy now.

What I have learned/completed today

January 9, 2012

Life repeats itself. Tonight I again feel the urge to write something, to express, and to create something, instead of consuming – movies, games, books, etc. In other words, while many others are wasting their previous time creating nonsense stuff, or those scribbles on facebook, I have been intimidated to express myself. I don’t know why I have had this attitude of my life. I am a researcher, a professor, and to publish or perish is my motto. I had the courage and persistency to submit my work again and again until it published, even though I feel ashamed now by just reading it.

I have not lived a productive life. I have not been practical at all. By nature I am probably a little idealistic, perfectionistic. I read novels, watch dramas, listen to classic music. They are great when on has time and money; neither do I have now. I need to be practical, occupy myself with things that could be useful for my life, and let my offspring enjoy art and music.

So I will start from today and ask myself before going to bed, what I have done today? Have I got a productive day? Did I use my time wisely and practically? Have I worked for my relationship, for my job, and for my skills and knowledge?

I had time before that I focused on these issues and forced myself to lead an active life. Now I have to. I need to spend some time with family, walk my dog every day, exercise my body, learn English, teach and do some research,  and be productive. In other words, I want to work hard, and play hard. Cannot endure the half-assed effort for both work and play. They suck.

And not every movie I have need to be watched, not every album heard, not every book read. Skip something, and focus on things that are more important, and much better.